Auld Lang Syne
by Etoile87
Summary: Five times Rachel and Jesse make the same New Year's resolutions - mostly without meaning to.


It's a little late - but Happy New Year! Hope 2012 is everything everyone wants it to be.

As always, they're not mine.

**Auld Lang Syne**

**December 2009**

She almost has to be physically restrained from rehearsing on her own every spare moment of winter break - no one is going to question her dedication - and staging impromptu concerts at holiday parties. New Directions may be a Sectional champion show choir now, but they can't afford to get complacent if they're going to take the next step forward - the competition only gets fiercer from here.

Her New Year's resolution, she tells her dads - and Mr. Schue, and Finn, and Mercedes, and whoever else will listen - is that they'll go all the way and win Nationals this year.

It's kind of a surprise she doesn't tell Jesse St. James the instant she meets him - after they're done singing their 'Hello,' of course.

The topic doesn't come up until a Friday night a few weeks after they've started dating, when they're watching _Rent_ on the television in her basement - so the neighbors won't overhear them singing along with most of the production.

"Did you make any resolutions for this year?" she asks him curiously after they're done harmonizing properly on 'Happy New Year.'

He flashes her his trademark cocky grin. "Nationals again," he says matter-of-factly. "Finish high school with a perfect record." She bites her lip and he immediately notices. "What was yours?" he asks quietly, like he already knows the answer.

"To lead New Directions to a Nationals title," she tells him

And okay, it's a little awkward for a moment, because of the obvious elephant in the room - they're each other's competition, and in order for either of them to even _make_ it to Nationals, they'll first have to beat the other at Regionals.

"I'm not going to go easy on you, you know," she breaks the silence, lifting her chin defiantly.

To her surprise, he doesn't laugh like she's joking at all, or even smirk. He just smiles softly, a little sadly, and pulls her against his side. She feels him kiss her hair.

"I know," he says. "I would expect nothing less from you."

* * *

><p><strong>December 2010<strong>

She's shocked speechless - she can't help it - and she hates it. She'd planned to be a little more elegant the next time she saw Jesse St. James (not that she ever _wants_ to see him again, she keeps telling herself quite firmly - if she says it enough times, she'll believe it). Maybe she'd see him at Nationals next spring, while her choir is stomping all over his alma mater. Or they'll meet on Broadway in a few years, she the profession's latest darling. But she never thought she'd bump into him here, in the middle of a video rental store in Ohio, while she's searching for something to watch with her dads tonight. She's wearing _sweatpants_, for god's sake (and really, this is _horrible_ practice on her part, because in the future, she'll have to be prepared for paparazzi to be stalking her every move). All of her planned speeches fly out of her head.

"What are you doing here?" is what comes out.

"Winter break. Ever heard of it? I'm here til next week."

"And what brings you _here_, exactly?" she snaps. "The last time I checked, you lived in Akron, not Lima. Do you have some more eggs you need to get rid of or something?"

He winces, but to his credit, recovers almost instantly. "I'm spending the break with my uncle. The parents still winter in Bali, you know."

She feels a twinge of what might be sympathy for him, but forces it aside. Especially when he makes his next comment.

"I saw New Directions at Sectionals," he comments. "They've gone downhill."

"Of all the nerve - " she explodes.

He raises his voice a little to cut her off. "Last year they had this soloist who blew me away. Pulled Barbra out of her back pocket as though the song had been written expressly for her. She had star quality. This year, their director inexplicably put her in the back of the group in favor of subpar vocals - they had two featured dancers who were marvelous, but the vocal arrangements makes me wonder if the director knows what he's doing."

"Mr. Schuester is trying to foster a sense of team spirit. As well as boost morale. No one is going to be confident enough to perform at a higher level if they don't get their turn in the spotlight now."

The explanation sounds lame, even to her. Truthfully, although you could never tell from her performance - she's a professional, after all - she'd fumed over their Sectionals arrangement for days. But she plans to keep her emotions under lock and key from Jesse St. James this time, _thank you very much_.

"That's all well and good if everyone is on the level when it comes to talent, if you can showcase depth. But benching your best performer?" He lifts a hand like he's going to touch her, then seems to think better of it and slides it into his pocket instead. "You're their star, Rachel. And you _deserve_ to shine like one."

"You lost the right to say that to me," she snaps. "I don't need you to say that to me. I have plenty of people to support me. People with no ulterior motives."

"People like Finn?"

Improbable as it is, she wonders if he has any knowledge of the events of this month, how he knew to strike that nerve. And all of a sudden, it's too much. Jesse here, saying these perfect things - which she heard from him plenty of times before. Fights with Finn in Christmas tree lots. The disaster that was Sectionals. The fluorescent lights in this store giving her nowhere to hide. She whirls on her heel to execute a picture-perfect stormout.

"Any New Year's resolutions?" he calls after her.

_Of all the nerve._ She has too much decorum to actually slam the door of the shop, although she strongly considers it. The freezing air outside helps take the edge off some of her hot anger as she exhales, her breath a cloud in front of her face. Unbidden, the one resolution she'd secretly made to herself comes floating back into her mind. And she's more sure of it now than ever now that she's actually seen him again.

_I have to get over Jesse St. James._

(Some years later, Jesse will tell her that at that moment, unbeknownst to her, he was standing back inside cursing himself, trying to figure out how to talk himself into getting over her, too.)

* * *

><p><strong>December 2011<strong>

She hesitates when she sees him sitting at a window table in the coffee shop. The last time she saw him, she basically humiliated him at Nationals - on both a personal and professional level - then stuttered through a really lame apology, unable to see past his showface to get a glimpse at what he was really thinking. Jesse can be a volatile creature, to put it mildly, and she isn't quite sure how he'll react if she appears out of the blue.

Still, she knew she'd be running into him eventually. She's nothing if not thorough when it comes to keeping up with the exploits of rival show choirs. She knows Dustin Goolsby got fired after Vocal Adrenaline's loss at Nationals last year, and she knows which highly-decorated alum they called in to replace him. The way the competition brackets are aligned this year, New Directions won't see Vocal Adrenaline until Nationals, if at all. If there's going to be a confrontation, better get it out of the way now.

"Jesse?" When he looks up in surprise from the notes he has open on the table, she smiles a little nervously, gripping her coffee cup. "Hi."

"Rachel. Hi." His eyes are guarded, but the clutch in her stomach eases when one side of his mouth quirks up a little. "It's good to see you."

"Same." She hovers for a second. "I just wanted to say hello, and happy New Year. I don't want to interrupt - "

"Nonsense. Please. Sit." As she hesitantly perches in the chair across from him, he clears his throat and asks, "How's the team?"

"I'm not sure I should be telling you," she laughs a little. "You're the competition again."

"Not just yet," he grins - although she notes that he _did_ flip his binder shut as soon as she sat down. "I saw your Sectionals. Blaine Anderson was a big addition," he comments. "And a lot of the others have really improved. New Directions has a good shot at going far this year. Provided their best performer doesn't get herself benched again."

Of _course_ he'd know about that. She feels the need to look away from his piercing blue gaze, scanning the room with what she hopes is a casual air.

"I can't believe it's already December 31," she comments idly, catching sight of the calendar on the wall near the cash register.

"The year went by fast," he agrees. "Any resolutions?"

"Nationals."

"Seems like I've heard that one before," he comments. "Third time's the charm, I suppose. Good luck."

"Same to you, I guess," she says wryly.

He grins. "Anything else?"

"To make it to New York," she says firmly.

"Interesting. Quite similar to mine, except mine is a bit broader."

"Oh yeah? How so?"

He offers her a roguish smile. "Get the hell out of Ohio."

She laughs, sipping her drink. "Are you thinking of going back to California?"

"Maybe. Or maybe the opposite coast. Can't very well be a stage actor across the country from Broadway, right? I'm hoping to make a move sometime next year - I'm just doing this to regroup."

"Mr. Schue will be glad to hear that," she comments. "He nearly fainted when he heard who'd replaced Dustin Goolsby."

Jesse laughs, totally unrepentant - she really shouldn't have stroked his ego like that. "How is Schuester? And everyone else?"

"Everyone's fine. Except for all the seniors stressing out about college applications." She lets out a breath. "I feel like I'm ready for my NYADA audition next month, but I'm terrified that the suspension is still going to hurt my chances, and I'm worried about Kurt's audition."

"You're more than ready," he says, and she hates that he can still make her blush. "The suspension certainly makes things ... interesting, but if the selection committee is worth their salt, they'll dismiss it as an aberration on an otherwise spotless record. Particularly once you sing in front of them. As for the rest, why are you so concerned about Kurt?"

"His audition for _West Side Story_ in the fall didn't go so well. He's having a terrible time picking a song for this one, and he's so nervous I'm afraid he's going to cause his own problems. I just hate the idea of going to New York without him."

Jesse considers for a second. "Is Blaine planning to join you in New York?"

"He's only a junior, but when he does graduate, yes."

He nods a little. "And Finn?"

She _should have known_ he'd go there. She isn't sure how many of her cards she should reveal to Jesse - just how many of her doubts about her boyfriend it is proper to reveal to her ex-boyfriend.

"He's ... not sure about his plans," is what she finally settles on, showface carefully in place.

Jesse nods, drums his fingers against the table thoughtfully. "May I suggest you amend your resolution slightly?" he asks after a moment.

"Please." She's suddenly tired of trying to figure life out. "Be my guest."

"To go to New York, with or without Finn and Kurt."

She frowns. "What makes you think I wouldn't?"

"You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, Rachel. You're a phenomenal talent, but you're also so concerned about everyone around you. Like when you worried about hurting their feelings if you got the solo for Nationals." A smile she can't quite identify plays with his mouth. "You're a far better person than me. But I took it to one extreme - abandoning the one person I really cared about to chase what I wanted. I'm afraid you'll take it to the other extreme - jeopardizing your own dreams because you worry about other people so much. Particularly when it comes to Finn. I know I'm admittedly biased, here, but you may have some hard decisions coming up, and I would hate to see you make the wrong one."

"It's hard," she says slowly, trying to pick her words carefully. "I finally feel like I have real friends. I don't want to hurt them. And I don't want to do this without them, if it comes down to it. But ... I've wanted New York since I was old enough to know how to want it."

"When you love something, you've got to go for it."

She smiles a little, unable to meet his eyes. She suddenly catches sight of the clock on the wall behind him and gasps. "I've got to go. I'm supposed to meet Kurt on the other side of town in half an hour." She jumps out of her seat. Instantly feels awkward again as she tries to figure out how to say goodbye. A handshake is too impersonal. A hug is just asking for trouble. She settles for putting her hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "Thank you for the advice, Jesse. I'm ... glad I ran into you. Happy New Year."

He reaches up, covers her hand with his own for a moment. "Happy New Year, Rachel. I'll see you at Nationals."

* * *

><p><strong>December 2012<strong>

They say how you spend New Year's Eve is how you'll spend the coming year. She has a couple of hours to kill before she meets her friends, so she's decided there's no better way to spend the waning hours of the year's final afternoon than indulging her usual passions. There's a little hole-in-the-wall music shop a few blocks away from their Brooklyn apartment that's become a haunt of hers. She idly wanders the stacks, looking for something to catch her eye.

She's just picked up a collection of Sondheim's greatest numbers and is absently flipping through it when someone reaches over her shoulder and snatches it out of her hand. She spins around to see dark curls, blue eyes, and an achingly familiar smirk.

She hasn't actually seen him since Nationals back in May - when she was wrecking her stage makeup crying tears of joy as she and her teammates hoisted the trophy, somehow catching his eye as he stood off to the side with the runners-up, applauding slowly with a wry smile on his face.

They've exchanged emails here or there over the past year. He knows she broke up with Finn shortly after Regionals last year, after getting accepted to NYADA. He knows she's living in the city with Kurt, who wasn't accepted to NYADA's tiny freshman class but wound up getting into NYU. She knows he moved here in October and is taking a few classes part-time while trying his luck at some auditions. She hasn't been brave enough yet to call him and arrange to meet up. He didn't mention it. He's patient like that.

She's amazed that out of the millions of people in New York City, out of the hundreds of places he could have walked into on New Year's Eve, the two of them are standing together in this place. She must have shock written all over her face. He's nonchalant, like he always knew.

"Good choice," he's saying, studying the sheet music.

"Jesse St. James! You've _got_ to stop sneaking up on unsuspecting girls in music stores," she admonishes, snatching the book back out of his hands.

"_Not_ girls, plural," he says, and she blushes right down to her feet. "How are you, Rachel?"

"I'm great. You?"

"Very well, also, thank you. How was your first semester?"

"Straight As," she says, trying to sound like she has some modestly. It's ruined when he smiles at her like, _of course_. "What brings you here?"

"I'm trying to find something new to add to my repertoire for auditions next month. This place is so off the beaten path, I thought they might have something unusual. Yourself?"

"I'm killing time until I meet Kurt and Blaine in a few hours. Blaine came to visit for the weekend, so we're going into Manhattan for dinner. And _then_ ... " She pauses for dramatic effect, "We're going to Times Square for the ball drop!"

He groans. "Really? That mob scene?"

She laughs. "You're about as enthusiastic as Kurt. It's our first New Year in the city. Everyone should do it once, right?"

"Any resolutions?"

"It's funny," she says. "Ever since I was little, my resolutions always had something to do with my hopes and dreams. But now, for the first time, I feel like I'm close to having everything I ever wanted - I'm in New York, I'm going to an amazing school and learning so much that will help me with my career, and I have real friends. I guess my resolution is to appreciate it ... to seize every opportunity that's in front of me and to live it all to the fullest."

It surprises her when he laughs. "Are you a mind reader?" he asks pleasantly.

"Why? What are you thinking?"

"My resolution was also to seize opportunities. Getting complacent when I went away to college nearly derailed me. I've finally got things going the way I want them again, and I'm not letting it go this time." He pauses, looks around at the shelves of sheet music and vinyls surrounding them, then grins. "You know, this reminds me of something."

She smiles, giving him tacit permission to continue.

"A few years ago, this guy met this girl in a music store - kind of like this one, actually. She was incredibly special - talented, driven, beautiful. But he had his priorities all wrong and really messed things up with her. He'd like to resolve to find some way to make that up to her - if she'll let him."

She takes a deep breath. "Your story kind of reminds me of one I heard once," she says slowly. "There was this girl, who met this guy in a music store. He was everything she ever wanted - but she was scared to let herself want it so much, because it meant putting herself on the line - taking a huge risk. So she took the easy way out and picked the safer option - and stepped all over that guy in the process. She'd like to resolve to find some way to make it up to him, too."

He smiles at her - a real smile, not his usual smirk. "I hope they'll be able to keep their resolutions, then." He hesitates, as if considering something, then reaches out to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Happy New Year, Rachel."

He turns to leave, and her heart suddenly jumps in her chest.

"Hey, Jesse?" she calls after him. When he turns around, she hesitates. "We're meeting for dinner at 5 before we go to Times Square. Maybe ... you'd like to join us? If the mob scene isn't too much for you?"

He cocks an eyebrow at her. "What prompted that invitation?"

She shrugs a little. "Seizing the moment, right?"

He saunters back over to her. "But won't they all be jealous?"

He's making it very hard to concentrate. "Who?"

"All the guys. Who might be hoping to kiss the most gorgeous girl in New York at midnight."

She giggles. "The two boys I spend the vast majority of my time with are far more interested than each other than me. So no, I don't have someone lined up for the job."

_Now_ he gives her that typical St. James smirk. She feels a little flutter of anticipation when he leans in to whisper in her ear.

"Perhaps you won't mind if I seize _that_ opportunity, then?"

* * *

><p><strong>December 2013<strong>

After fighting the crowds just to freeze for eight hours last year, and after hearing about the ridiculous cover charges at various parties around the city, they've resolved to stay in this year. But that doesn't mean they won't celebrate properly. They've already had the music playing for a bit. Rachel and Kurt - who both dressed up even though there's no place to go - are twirling around the living room to a Katy Perry song, while Blaine, struggling to uncork their second bottle of wine in the kitchen, yells at them to "Get the door already!"

Rachel, knowing there's exactly one person who could be coming over on New Year's Eve, runs to fling the door open and immediately jumps up into his arms. Jesse, who still had his hand raised to knock again, makes an admirably quick recovery, catching her for a deep kiss.

Cut her some slack, she just came back to the city after spending the holiday at home with her dads, and she's missed her boyfriend. Okay, and _maybe_ the first bottle of wine is a little bit to blame for the open affection.

"Hi Jesse," Blaine calls, almost simultaneously with Kurt yelling "Get a room!" as he messes with the iPod dock.

"I _missed_ you," she breathes, ignoring her roommates.

He grins and puts her back down on the ground, linking his arms together around her waist. "It finally stopped snowing, and it's clear out. There are a billion stars," he tells her.

Her face lights up and she yanks her coat and hat off the hook by the door. "Be back in an hour!" she calls over her shoulder.

"As thanks for scarring my retinas with that display, _you_ can go down the block and pick up the pizza if you're going outside anyway," Kurt says.

"Go ahead and take the moral high ground. You're just going to make out with Blaine on the couch the minute you have the place to yourselves," Rachel points out. Blaine has the good graces to blush.

"At least I have plausible deniability," Kurt says. She mock storms out, knowing they'll laugh.

"So, any New Year's resolutions?" Jesse asks as they clomp down the narrow stairwell in their boots.

She grins at the familiar question. "Maybe, but most of them involve you."

"Do tell," he teases.

"This past year has been the best one of my life," she says earnestly, squeezing his hand. "And it reminded me of what I almost missed out on. I want to make sure I never take you for granted again. I want to make you happy."

He interrupts her by tugging her around for a quick kiss. "You already do," he insists. "Very funny coincidence you brought up, though, because this year's been the best of my life, too. And I was thinking that my resolution would be to repay you by making all your dreams come true."

"Didn't you decide that, like, four years ago? You already doing a marvelous job," she says, pulling him back down for another kiss. At this rate, they're never making it outside.

"Seems we're at an impasse with these resolutions then," he comments.

"How about one we make together?" she suggests. "To inspire each other."

He nods in agreement. "To take Broadway by storm," he adds.

"Well, that one's an inevitability."

"That's my line."

They pause on the sidewalk in front of the doorway, kicking at the snow that's accumulated. He tugs her hat down over her ears, smiling softly. She grins and pulls him down by the scarf, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he kisses her warmly in a way that makes her think it's sure to be a _very_ good year. How could it not be?

When they separate after a long moment - just a little breathless, for reasons that have _nothing_ to do with the cold - she links her arm through his, and they head out into the dark night.


End file.
